Q.What do you call 5 condoms playing metal?
A. rubber band

Q. What do rattlesnakes and a rubber have in common?
A. I know I don't wanna screw with either one of them.

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Yeltsin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin. "No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor....you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one.

Q. What do you call a 500 pound woman with a condom in her hand?
A. A half ton pickup, with a box liner!!

Q. What do you call 365 condoms rolled into 1?
A. A Good Year

Q. What do you call grit in a condom?
A. An organ grinder.

Q. Why did the condom fly across the room?
A. Because it got pissed off.

Q. What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A. They're both filled with stiffs - except one's coming and one's going.

TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY 6969 Slippery Root Drive Drop Trouser, Sydney 2120. Dear Mr. Shlypdych, We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS. Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feel that your wearing of our product in advertisements does not portray a positive romantic image for our product. A loose, baggy and wrinkled condom is not considered romantic. We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using poly-grip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note however that yours is the first we have seen that looked like a bicycle grip. We appreciate your interest and would like to thank you for your time. We will retain your application for possible future consideration. If by chance we decide there is a market for mini-condoms we will call you. We send greetings and sympathy for your lady. Sincerely, Dick Burly, President TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC. P.S. Remember our slogans: Cover your stump before you hump! Don't be silly, protect your willie! Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker! Before you attack her, wrap your whacker! If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!

The Nutman's nuts are for entertainment only and are not safe for sex.